


Red

by AlexNichole



Category: One Direction (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 08:08:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexNichole/pseuds/AlexNichole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every time I closed my eyes, the bright Los Angeles sun filtered through the thin skin of my eyelids giving me the same color I saw the morning I last saw Niall: Red. </p>
<p>Niall loves you, you know that. But the last time you see him, are you really sure?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red

**Author's Note:**

> I fell asleep listening to Red by Taylor Swift and dreamed of Niall. This is what came of it. It was written, edited, and posted in one day so sorry if it's bad. 
> 
> Questions? insomniacswithcoffee.tumblr.com

Niall’s laugh was infectious. I couldn’t help laughing along. Three years dating and he still had me crazy in love. We’d talked marriage in the past but with him still touring, it just wasn’t an option right now. I was content being his girlfriend though, his one and only, his love. He pulled his Range Rover close to the curb outside my apartment and put it in park. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.” He said, kissing me softly before opening his door. “I’ve got some stuff to do with the band but then I’ll be over.” 

“You know you don’t have to walk me to my door.” I smiled, when we were both on the sidewalk. 

“Oh, I don’t?” He laughed, throwing his head back. “Okay then.” 

“I took three steps up the front walk before turning around. 

“Get over here, goofball.” I said. “It feels weird to walk alone.” He kissed me goodnight at the front door to my building, and again at the door to my apartment. He then let himself in and kissed me a couple times at the kitchen table. He kissed me hard at the foot of my bed, and let a kiss linger as we fell into each other, and under the blankets. 

He kissed me good morning as the sun came up, and kissed me goodbye when it was high in the sky. I closed my eyes, and let the sun sink through my eyelids. The red of the light through my skin was calming, yet passionate. I opened my eyes and Niall slipped out the door leaving me alone in the tangled sheets. 

Looking back, I wish that I had taken more time to watch the slow way his feet moved across the hardwood floor, and the shadow that fell across the muscles of his bare back as he slipped his shirt on. The last smile he gave me before closing the door, and the way the Range Rover sounded pulling away. I hope that in that moment he saw the ‘I love you’ in my eyes, because I hadn’t said it with my voice. 

I held onto that hope through the small family funeral. I held it onto that hope through the public funeral for fans, and as the paparazzi snapped pictures of my make-up free face, puffy eyes, and black clothes. I held on when the rest of the boys were sobbing on my shoulder, even as I sobbed myself. I held on, because that’s all I could do. I held on through the arrest, trial and guilty charge of the gunman charged with robbing the convenience store that night and killing three people, including the man I loved, and the boy the world mourned for. 

 

Every time I closed my eyes, the bright Los Angeles sun filtered through the thin skin of my eyelids giving me the same color I saw the morning I last saw Niall: Red. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The stage was bright and hot. The fans were screaming. I’d only ever sang in front of a few small crowds in bars and coffee shops and once in a small stadium tour with a locally famous rock band. Now I was in front of 50 thousand screaming fans. 

The memorial concert that had been my doing now seemed like a horrible idea. I was clammy and scared and upset and the one person I wanted to smooth down my hair and tell me it was alright couldn’t be there, and never would be. 

I’d titled the concert “Red” and after a nerve-racking conversation with Taylor Swifts management team and a tearful explanation to Taylor herself about what had happened she agreed to not only let me use the title and the song, but to join the concert with us as well. Now I was about to step out on stage and sing to the biggest crowd of my life. 

A hush went through the stadium as I took the stage. Harry, Louis, Zayn, and Liam gave me a thumbs up from off stage. I raised the mic to my lips as the music started and let my voice rise above heads of the fans. 

“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street. Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ended so suddenly. Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you’re already flying through the free fall. Like the colors in autumn so bright just before they lose it all.” 

A single tear slipped down my cheek. I swallowed the rest and tried to keep going. 

“Losing him was blue like I’d never known. Missing him was dark grey all alone. Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met. But loving him was red. Touching him is like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer. Regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong.”

More tears came now and my voice was shaking. The crowd was singing along, helping me. I sob escaped my tight lips as they sang the chorus. I could hear their voices shaking as a whole. I raised the mic to sing but I couldn’t get anything past the shaking emotions clawing their way out. Harry’s voice met my ears as I struggled again to compose myself enough to sing. He stepped out from the wing already singing.

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes. Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go. But moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head…”

Seeing him forced a small smile to my lips, allowing me the ability to stop sobbing and sing again. I raised the mic for a third time. This time though, my voice mixed with Harry’s, Liam’s, Zayn’s, and Louis’ as they all joined me. 

“Oh, losing him was blue like I’d never known. Missing him was dark grey all alone. Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met. Cause loving him was red yeah yeah red. We're burning red.”

We sang the final chorus a few times, letting the crowd finish it, and eventually fading out. Tears streamed down our faces and Harry threw his arm across my shoulders. Liam, Zayn , and Louis followed suit. For a moment, it was quiet as we hugged. And then, above the crowd, a small voice rang out and before we knew it the whole stadium was singing. 

“I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel. I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on this floor. Illusion never changed into something real. I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.”

The boys sang along when the crowd continued to sing the chorus again and again. I joined them when Harry waved me in. Liam’s hands were in the air, as if he were worshipping. Zayn and Louis were wrapped in one another, almost slow dancing to the crowd’s song. 

Liam lowered his hands and glanced back at me. I knew at once what he would do. 

“Let's dance in style, let’s dance for a while. Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Are you gonna drop the bomb or not? Let us die young or let us live forever. We don't have the power but we never say never. Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip, the music's for the sad man.”

I could already hear the people in the stands sobbing and watched as they grabbed onto one another as they sang the chorus. As Niall’s solo came up the wailing from the crowd seemed to intensify. Harry pointed to me to take it. 

“Some are like water, some are like the heat. Some are a melody and some are the beat. But sooner or later they all will be gone. Why don't they stay young?”

His solo seemed to hold more resonance with the world now. Why didn’t he just stay young? Why didn’t he just stay? The boys finished the song and sat on the edge of the stage as the stadium emptied. Watching so many people mourn the loss of the man that I loved set it deeper in my heart that the night Niall died was the night the whole world mourned together. In that moment I knew that in the end, I would be okay, we would be okay, and the world would be okay. 

I let my eyes slip closed for just a moment. I tuned out the noise and pain and just sat there under the still burning stage lights. Through the thin skin of my eyelids, a burning red filled my consciousness. It was a red I would never forget. A love I would never forget. A man the world would never forget. Niall Horan would forever be bright red in my heart. A bright, burning red. Loving him was red.


End file.
